KNITTY GRITTY

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So, What is a lesbian anyways? The social, scientific, and political history of debates aiming to define ‘lesbian’ in itself shows why our identity is so important. It has been something discussed for hundreds of years. Now, we get to decide for ourselves what the word means to us. To me, a lesbian is me. To other lesbians, a lesbian is them. A lesbian body, a lesbian mind, a lesbian soul, is one born of love. It doesn’t have to be romantic or sexual love, it is whatever it is on a case by case basis. It is a beautiful thing. 

 

I cant imagine long term dating a man. Or doing anything with a man. 

 

I knew that I was into women when I was pretty young, and some of my first like experiences were with with women anyway but um especially like in the surroundings that I was brought up in um and just kind of I guess the expectations of society that are kind of brought onto you especially being very feminine being very comfortable in that and not kind of going out of some of those norms I just um it took me a while to realise I was a lesbian. 

 

I've kissed a man once and fucking hated it, I hated every second of it 

 

Uh I knew that I liked women when I was 12, I was just like chilling in my room, thinking about life, being like wow, I like looking at women kissing. Oh, thats what that means. And it was kind of a [clicks] easy realisation but it took me a while to realise I was a lesbian uh I realised when I was 18 

 

Lesbian identity and community are things that have been hard sought after. In a world that makes us feel so ‘other’, being able have confidence in yourself, and community in others, is crucial. Identity doesn’t need to be scientifically justified. it is a blessing to be able to build a space for oneself and others where you can say ‘I am a Lesbian’ and feel safe in all that means. 

 

Self-expression has always been important to queer communities. Particularly in the last 100 years we have seen aesthetics and subcultures be appointed as ‘lesbian’. Whether you’re femme or butch, dress like a pink pompom or a lumberjack, there are signifiers to say to other lesbians ‘hey, I see you’ and to the rest of the world ‘hey, you’re going to be forced to see me’. The body is radical, it can speak for us in a way stronger than words sometimes. The freedom and willingness to appear how we want shows a desire to fight for a freedom to act and say what we want as well. 

 

well I used to look a lot different before I came out as queer I used to have like pin straight waist length blonde hair and I used to dress basically like a chav. I now dress very much like a lesbian I think is the way I would describe it, like very gay. I definitely dress like a butch. I think I'm masc, not butch, but I'm gender fluid so, you know, that changes. 

 

I find so much joy in self expression and whenever I do whether its like getting tattoos or doing my makeup or dressing in a certain way, and also self expression apart from making it like you know easier for me to exist as myself is another great way to find like minded people whether they're queer or not its kind of you know understanding that you know you look cool yeah yeah we can maybe there's something going on 

 

I've dressed masculinely and had short hair since I was 14, this is what I'm doing with the femininity is a performance, this is not necessarily a costume but as if I was my own doll that I was putting clothes onto and not like a genuine feminine femme 

 

I've always been very like particular about my hair even though I am masc I prefer having longer hair just because to me longer hair you can be more androgenous with. straight girls get wolf cuts. a wolf cut is now no longer an indication of queerness to me. I think a lot of extreme haircuts I associate with queerness cause mohawks and mullets and- not for men, like if a woman has a mullet or if a gender non conforming person has a mullet I'm like that's a queer person. colours come into it a lot, like what colour you're dying your hair and how intricate is it and how have you done it yourself did you go to a salon like those all come into it for me cause I think hair is one of the things you notice first when you see when you look at someone like how it frames their face what haircut they have what colour it is 

 

I was like yeah that's kind of cute because it kind of like feels like you know my hair is natural and like I'm coming into myself as like who I really am and so that kind of is a nice parallel 

 

It's something in the way that the hair looks maybe its a little messier maybe its a little like they did it themselves sometimes you're like oh no straight woman would have like a micro bang with like a tiny mullet and 2 rat tails and its bleach blonde like its white bleach blonde 

 

The urge to have a mullet or whatever you see other gays with it in the wild and you're like I want that give me what she's having. The idea of like having like a haircut or like looking a certain way that like wouldn't be attractive to men as well 

 

I think the whole invention of haircuts that are like unconventional like a skullet where you shave like 90% of the hair on your head off and leave it or things like rat tails and um mohawks and like extreme haircuts I think 100% are like a big middle finger to what is standard, and I think so is a lot of queerness 

 

A great compliment to give someone to check if someone is gay is hey I like your hair 

 

I mean I think a lot of men unfortunately view women as something that's for them in every sense of that word so it doesn't really matter what you're doing a lot of men either way are into queer women 

 

I like keeping it very short uh I've always had like short hair. sometimes even like brightly dyed hair it comes off as like so femme that men cant find it hot I think there's like a horseshoe 

 

Uh the signifiers of femininity that I grew up with and kind of what is portrayed as beautiful and very feminine in a lot of ways I feel kind of uncomfortable with myself having body hair because of that but I understand that's something I have to work on and that's something that's totally irrational it doesn't make me any more feminine or less feminine or any more beautiful or less beautiful to have or not have body hair 

 

My sister for example and I love her, she accepts me.... partially, she's overall a great person and an ally but she really wants me to take off my arm hair and I love my arm hair I love it its an accessory! Leg hair as well um I stopped waxing my legs I started growing my eyebrows out recently, I used to have these thin little plucked ones because they need to look perfect, I stopped even shaving my moustache because I'm like it itches when I do it I don't wanna. I want to feel comfortable in my own body and a part of that is keeping my body hair, and not letting the shame that I once carried with it and attached to it when I was a young like teenager um I'm not letting it be a part of my life anymore. 

 

I think I'm more comfortable without my body hair but I don't know where that exactly comes from I can kind of dissect that mentally and know that you know majorly it does come from being socialised in that way but um again it like just makes me feel more comfortable not to have body hair but if those socialisations were never there im guessing yeah I wouldn't care if that wasn't something I ever was you know brought onto our minds you would never invent a razor 

 

like clean smooth dolphin lady, that is the standard. WHAT? 

 

and I think, I think its the media and I think its the patriarchy I think its misogyny just a mix of all of those things. My sister, love her to death, but that girl she she she when she looks at my armpit hair we can't talk for the next 30 minutes until I apologize for having it. And I'm not gonna do that  

And I felt like kinda scared to be in there and for this woman to like rip body hair off of me and I'm like aghhh! this hurts and she's like girl this is normal  

It was definitely because of my mother she put me there, she was like you need to get rid of this shit. It felt kind of horrendous not even, I mean obviously because of the pain, but also because of just kind of the invasiveness? I remember my moustache getting waxed I remember like my eyebrows getting tweased all of it hurting so much every single time 

 

queer women tend to be non conforming in a lot of ways, whether theyre feminine or masculine its just kind of in different ways so I would definitly assume that but also from personal experience the people that I'm around it really doesn't have mean that they are I have friends who are not queer and don't care about having body hair anyway 

 

It's kind of weird how something that's already part of all of us is given this connotation of either a certain sexuality or like uh a lifestyle or even political stance 

 

I definitely do I think about it a lot just kind of the ways I present myself in certain situations and like especially situations of power that have to do with men I definitely do not want I guess my queer identity to be something that's very present because of that kind of fear that I have 

 

The consensus from these interviews that hair is viewed as potentially indicating sexuality is supported by the research of Breanne fahs, who conducted a study asking her students not to shave their body hair. Many reported that people close to them were concerned that they may be a lesbian (the horror!) and some feared or were subject to homophobic remarks or actions. 

 

One thing that a large amount of queer people link their identity to is fibre crafts. In a tumultuous and sometimes traumatic environment to live in as a queer person, Fiber arts can be a huge breath of relief. Knitters self-report that knitting provides psychological benefits like feeling productive, having a creative outlet, and helping socially. After World War 2, knitting was prescribed as a treatment for ptsd, and was actually found to be affective. Betsan Corkhill and Jill Riley’s research concludes knitting creates strong, resilient, flexible fabric. Therapeutic knitting seeks to create strong, resilient, flexible minds in the process. So it becomes easy to see why queer people would want to put their energy into something with such power to heal. 

 

You have recently tried knitting. Yes I have. How would you rate that experience? Like 1 through 10? 1 through 26. 1 through 26? Yeah. I would say a nice 24. It’s a very I can see how therapeutic it is cause it’s a very structured repeating thing it’s almost like a fidget toy but you actually like make something at the end of it. To me it’s like a domestic thing that’s become almost like a signaling 

 

Textile arts link to queer culture is not a 21st century phenomenon. In 1985 cleve jones initiated the NAMES project AIDS memorial quilt. This was a 120,000 square meter quilt made to memorialise the names of people that died from AIDS. Although not only queer people die from AIDS, it was largely considered a queer problem. We can already start to see a interlocking history between queer people and fiber arts. 

 

Sarah joy ford is a contemporary fiber artist that uses textiles to build upon and repair a lesbian narrative. With her needle that can pierce across time and space, bringing eras together, She uses and expands upon archives to develop lesbian and queer cultures today. For example, this quilt ‘archives and amazons’ depicts the amazon women from days long past, that now are heralded as god like figures in lesbian subculture. Her work finds that many historical sources of lesbianism in the arts are texts, instead of visual. With a lot of the visual sources that do exist, there are ethical problems with adapting them into our current idea of queer culture. For example, in the late 1900s there was a wealth of lesbian paper publications to be shared purely within the community. These would often times contain erotic imagery, with people from marginalised communities acting as models. as this was pre internet, these people could not have any clue that their images could end up being publicly accessible to everyone with a screen. Therefore a lot of this rich history is unable to be viewed online to keep these people safe and anonymous. But in this day and age, the internet is everything. Lesbians like me that would benefit immensely from being able to see the strength and community held in these publications would have a hard time gaining access to them, as they are only available to be viewed in person. That is why sarah joy ford creates work that is inspired by these publications and other non visual archives into quilts. People now can view her work and feel the warmth and beauty of this rich history, while also building on current culture. 

 

in sarah joy fords practice, she is very aware of the history of lesbian culture and fibre arts. One thing she says she is very aware of in her practice is who lesbian arts and culture may exclude. It may seem strange, but historically lesbian movements have been known to be exclusionary. 

 

The phenomenon of ‘lesbian seperatism’ may sound utopian at first, but in reality it was not. The basic gist was a large group of lesbians got fed up of men and decided that they would start a life free of capitalism and patriarchy in a rural landscape. For a lot of people this sounds like the dream. But then lesbians with sons, trans women, non-binary lesbians, and many other groups were excluded. The lesbians taking part in this movement were mostly white and middle classed. Not everyone had the privilege of being able to leave their responsibilities behind, and many didn’t want to. There was also a problem of the movement being closely tied to colonialism. Overall, it was far from perfect. 

 

There have been new ideas since then that provide similar senses of freedom, but where everyone can be free. The Combahee river collective was a group made up of mostly minorities that aimed to make a space for all marginalised people, as opposed to just lesbians. This is something that lesbian separatism could never achieve. 

 

Flash forward to 2020. Lesbians are isolated and the world seems to be falling apart. Everyone is disconnected from each other and nature. Then enters a light; cottagecore. 

 

This term generally refers to a lifestyle inspired by living simply in a cottage and being one with the land. It is a rejection of capitalism and patriarchy. So naturally, many lesbians flocked to it, to ‘connect to the natural and claim the natural as lesbian’. One of the aims of cottagecore is to slow down and make things for yourself. For some people this is farming, or floristry, and for some its fibre craft. This could include knitting, crochet, sewing, needle felting, weaving, the list goes on. These are all activities that can be done in the comfort of ones home, with no social pressure to GO GO GO, and you get an end product that makes you feel accomplished. In these moments, you are no longer a hamster in a wheel made to run to prove your worth to a billionaire. 

 

Basically mostly queer people, it definitely got me through quarantine having knit and crochet. only printed, I think we only printed 70 fliers at the freshers fair. Had to keep sending them to the library and be like print 100 more I think like we printed 300 that day we en have time to like cut them out, and then yeah 80 people turned up to our first session and like keep in mind like lily had just learnt how to crochet and I don’t know how confident she felt teaching, and o, didn’t know at all I think at that point so we were just like and loads of people were there like oh so you’ll teach me and I was just there like oh my bloody god like 40 people want me to teach them how to crochet I don’t know how to do this but I’m also trying to eat my dinner at the same time um but like we got through that u, it was kind of a dry year we didn’t have quite a lot of retention but um we had like 80 people turn up to the first session, um one time we got 30 people and then the whole year it was just kind of like the 10 real ones but um yeah the knit and crochet inner circle is very much um sometimes we refer to the society as stitch and bitch reloaded or stitch and bitch 2 because the spirit is still there like people turn up like ugh you’ll never guess what my housemate has been doing or like oh my god savannah broke up with him like it would be like and we would all know ———— we never see each other out of the society but we all know like the complexities I think knitting just brings it out in people but this year has been amazing we again had like I think 80 people again turn up or like 100, its the biggest session we’ve ever had 

 

Cottagecore allows people to make lifestyle choices that benefit them from where they are right now, as opposed to lesbian separatism. It is more inclusive, more accessible, and has proven psychological and social benefits. This community of queer people that have developed because of fibre crafts, spearheaded by the cottagecore movement, can get a sense of relief. 

 

LJ Roberts is another lesbian fibre artist. They have had an activist practice since they saw the AIDs quilt as a teenager. One of their most famous pieces of work is titled ‘ The Queer Houses of Brooklyn in the Three Towns of Breukelen, Boswyk, and Midwout during the 41st year of the stonewall era’ . Created in 2011, this textile collage map shows the locations of queer houses in new York, and henceforth the development, existence, and determination of queer communities to carve out a place for themselves. As a developed artist who has been around the block (or blocks, as seen in this work), Roberts states that fibre arts are important to their practice, because they, and it, are treated similarly. Even if you haven’t been directly told it, there is a general knowledge it seems that craft is not considered as sophisticated, as valued, or just as ‘good’ as other art practices. This has only in recent years started to have a paradigm shift. Much like outlooks on queer communities. 

 

If I had come out as a lesbian in secondary school I would have definitely been a lot worse off 

 

In the situations where I’ve kind of showed my queerness in some way in public I have experienced discrimination I’ve been yelled at on the street I’ve had like lots of experiences. I find it to be myself and express myself but also kind of like signify that I am a lesbian and that I am queer because that’s a huge part of my identity anyway and I would like to be within circles of people who are like minded and you know obviously to have a community as well within that 

 

As a lesbian I can empathise with and feel empathy from craft. We have both been deemed less because of our ties to femininity, and rejection of problematic aspects of society such as patriarchy and capitalism. And now, we can both rebel. 

 

The more I’m in tune with my identity and the way I look the less I’m apprehensive about showing it to others  

 

A lot of people, myself included have a sense of guilt over relaxing. This is hopefully obviously unreasonable, but the world we are brought up in can drill this into us. One way fibre arts can help people break out is by almost tricking the brain into feeling productive. Knitting to me is enjoyable, but it does also feel like work. It requires thought, but not too much. It’s a challenge, but I wont get financially punished if I mess up. At the end I get the satisfaction of a job well done, without having had to burn myself out in the process. Fibre arts are a way to reclaim time. 

 

Um I think there’s like no real pressure to like even like talk to people or like make eye contact or like do anything and it feels so satisfying to like you know when you get like a really good like a really good grove on ——— like it feels so satisfying. maybe the benefits are unlimited and everyone should be doing it  

 

Depression and anxiety are becoming increasingly common, in part due to the growing sense of helplessness. Understanding how something is done and doing it for yourself from start to finish can help ease this and provide a sense of accomplishment. In terms of eco-anxiety, £140 million worth of clothes go to landfill each year in the uk alone. Making your own clothes, or mending what you have, can be helpful to these figures on an individual level. 

 

In an environment so against us, taking the time to make things for your own body is important. Mass produced items are not meant to fill individual needs. When I make something for myself, I learn the shape of my body, what materials make it shine, what colours bring me joy, what I feel comfortable in. I can accommodate my specific needs in a way the world around me isn’t prepared to. 

 

I think having the control over like the cut —— i need the neckline to be up there ugggg if I’ve got like I refuse to wear my work uniform because it’s got like a super baggy neck oh I can’t ——— textures like I don’t know I really like um like cotton. Having a nice gradient gives you something to look forward to like ooooh it’s a nice colour  

 

At the end of the day I want to feel comfortable and I want to feel like myself first and foremost before anything  

 

Celia Pym is a contemporary textile artist that works with mending. She takes items of emotional significance to people, listens to their stories, and mends them with a little bit of love woven in. she speaks of mending as responding to a problem, as opposed to fixing a problem. Her aim is never to make the item look the same as before, but acknowledge the damage done to it, and highlight how it has made the item different but still beautiful. Her practice of obvious mending applies different significance to each item, but in relation to this video I am imagining how her work could be applied to lesbian histories. How we have been broken down, called unnatural, had acts of hate directed towards us, yet now we stand stronger than potentially ever as a global community united by love. That is the same magic Celia Pym uses when she mends. 

 

Textile art, hair, and lesbianism all have things in common. I use each as a way to show my identity, and as an act of peaceful defiance. All are powerful, but when done together by a whole community, it feels possible to do anything. LJ Roberts and Sarah Joy Ford’s practices spearhead this. Art is very good at having a trickle down cultural effect, and this is very present in this area. Without these three things, me and the people I’ve interviewed may not have found community in each other. Through using our bodies as radical sites of art, we state every day what sort of world we want to live in. 

 

I think your hair is quite an integral part of your identity and who you are because I feel like when I met you it was one of the first thing I like knew about you. Liv dyes her hair a lot and it looks really cool and she does it all herself  

 

Think about how much time you spend thinking about how you want to look and compare it to the time you spend trying to look that way. What is holding you back from fulfilling that dream, from fulfilling that like insurgent need. uh it’s fear. And a lot of times fear is a useless feeling because while it may protect you from things it may be protecting you from like what your mother will think what your employer will think what the people around you will think your friends your acquaintances your colleagues uh it’s also making you miserable and in order for you to improve the quality of the only life you have uh you should kind of  not kind of but dive into those wishes and let yourself express what is inside of you and let it out. Put it on your hair start small you can cut a little bang you can add a little jewellery to your eye you can stop shaving your legs anything and eventually you’ll be brave enough to go full throttle and the moment you let yourself look the way you want to look the more you’ll feel like yourself because and this is a really good TikTok comment I read um fashion is the manifestation of the self.  

 

I am soft and my knit stitches are hypnotising. I am only dependent on myself, I am free from bodily issues and expectations. We construct our identity one loop at a time, sometimes using our needles as an act of anger, sometimes one of comfort. I make and mend myself as an act of defiance